How many times have you said yes to the drink or yes to another round because you only live once? I used to use this excuse all the time. It was a party, a vacation, the holidays, a friend was visiting from out of town. I liked the feeling of you only live once. It felt bold and fun and a little rebellious, like I was tapping into this bigger, more exciting version of my life. This is episode 446 and I’m giving you ideas for how to start questioning the excuse you only live once without trying to talk yourself out of having the drink because you’re going to regret it tomorrow. Because you and I both know when you’re in that YOLO energy, how you feel tomorrow is not all that compelling.

Whether you want to drink less or stop drinking, this podcast will help you change the habit from the inside out. We’re challenging conventional wisdom about why people drink and why it can be hard to resist temptation. No labels, no judgment, just practical tools to take control of your desire and stop worrying about your drinking. Now, here’s your host, Rachel Hart.

Today I’m giving you some thought swaps, ideas for how to start poking holes in the excuse, I might as well have the drink. I might as well have another round because you only live once. Now, if you’re doubtful that anything can deter you when you are in that energy of you only live once, I get it. Because the only advice I ever found was to focus on how you would feel the next day, how you would sleep better and wake up without a hangover and you’d have fewer regrets about what you did and said, which, you know, is all fine and good, but it’s not very convincing when the whole point of you only live once is not caring about tomorrow and focusing on the here and now and feeling good right now.

I developed a lot of my habits around drinking when I was a teenager. I drank really quickly, with a lot of speed and intensity because back then, the whole point of drinking was to step into a version of myself who was bolder and sillier and more carefree and didn’t worry what people thought of me. I wanted to be that version of myself and I wanted to be her fast.

Now, your initial relationship with alcohol, it may have looked totally different. Many of the people I work with, they tell me, “You know, I didn’t drink that much when I was younger and when I did, I didn’t drink a lot. But in recent years, my relationship with alcohol has started to change and I’m starting to drink more.”

The point is, no matter how your drinking started out, no matter what it looked like at first, I want you to think back to when that you only live once energy got connected to alcohol and how that showed up for you, what it looked like. Because for me, my brain was learning to connect two things. You only live once was being connected with the more fun, adventurous, silly, unfiltered, outgoing version of Rachel. And accessing that YOLO energy for me meant drinking more and drinking a lot.

Now, when your brain makes this connection between the life you want to lead, the person you want to be, and drinking, trying to say no or trying to cut back can feel like you are saying no to being fully yourself or being all in on the experience of life. And that is a really tough sell. And trying to remind yourself that you’re going to sleep better or you’re going to wake up without a headache or feeling more rested, it’s just not going to be all that appealing in the moment. So I want to give you some thought swaps that will help you keep that you only live once vibe, the boldness, the fun, the daring, but start to decouple it from needing to drink in order to get there.

And as always, these swaps have to feel believable for you. So I encourage you to edit them, to change them, to make it so they fit more with something that you can really see yourself saying to yourself. Again, we’re not demonizing alcohol or pretending it never feels good to drink. We’re just questioning whether you want to keep the link between I get to feel more alive and more free, but only if I have a drink in my hand.

By the way, this excuse you only live once, you might as well have the drink, it often shows up with the Upgrade and the Release archetypes. And if you’re new to my work, there are eight different drink archetypes that help you explore the underlying patterns behind your drinking and why it’s hard to say no. And these archetypes are a big reason why you will have all this motivation to cut back or to stop drinking or to change your relationship with alcohol, but then your follow through often isn’t there. It’s not because you lack discipline, it’s because you’re not dismantling the archetype underneath the surface that is keeping the habit in place. So if you want to understand where you rank with all eight drink types, you can take my free quiz at FindYourDrinkType.com.

All right, let’s look at three swaps to help you reclaim you only live once energy and decouple the idea that you need to drink in order to access it.

Swap number one: You only live once, so let’s see how wild you’ll let yourself be all on your own. Now, I think this is such an important reframe because wild is one of those words that we often unconsciously associate with drinking, wild nights, wild stories, wild behavior. And so our wildness starts to feel like we can’t really access it without alcohol.

But what if the wildness you crave is there just waiting for you to claim it? What if the wild part is actually you when you allow yourself to be more of yourself and more unfiltered and more comfortable doing what feels good to you and saying what you want to say and not overthinking everything.

So it can be about your sense of humor, your ideas, your willingness to dance, to be silly, to strike up a conversation with a stranger, to say the thing out loud that everybody else is only thinking. Now, alcohol doesn’t create those qualities, it just lowers your inhibitions so that it feels easier to access them. But what if the goal wasn’t about being less wild? What if the goal was being able to access that wildness whenever you wanted? So this swap is really about turning the you only live once energy into a personal challenge. If I only live once, I want to discover how to be wild on my own.

Now, in practice, this might look like being the first one on the dance floor or telling a story or sharing something that you would normally save for your third drink, being more honest in a conversation than you usually let yourself be, or just letting yourself be yourself rather than trying to perform who you think you’re supposed to be. And then practicing doing this and noticing, oh, it’s there. I can tap into my inner wildness. It’s here. It’s available to me if only I am willing to practice and no longer tell myself that the wildness I crave only comes with a drink.

I will tell you, in my personal experience, I am definitely way less inhibited in my regular day-to-day life than I was in my 20s. I’m more willing to be weird, to be crazy, to be the first one on the dance floor, to sing when nobody else is singing, to say the thing that everybody is thinking but no one is saying. I have become more wild without alcohol. In fact, all of those years believing I needed a drink to be my wild self actually was when I was so tightly wound in my regular day-to-day life.

Okay, swap number two: You only live once, so it’s time to practice letting loose without caring what anyone thinks. This gets to the heart of what so many people are actually craving with a drink, especially for all of you Mask archetypes. It’s craving not worrying what others think, not worrying what you think, just being yourself and feeling free and letting go. We think that alcohol is what gives us that freedom because it turns down the volume on your inner critic, but the truth is, if you always rely on a drink to feel this way, you never actually build the skill of letting loose on your own, and you never actually build the skill of challenging your inner critic.

So instead of telling yourself, well, you only live once, so just have the drink, you can try, yeah, you only live once. So I’m going to practice not caring what people think while I go about having fun. Now, this practice might be tiny at first. Maybe it’s laughing a little louder than you normally would. Maybe it’s wearing something that feels a little bolder. Maybe it’s saying yes to karaoke or a game you might normally sit out. Maybe it’s staying in a conversation a bit longer instead of retreating.

The key word here is practice. You’re not going to instantly flip a switch and never care what anyone thinks again, but every time you let yourself loosen up just a little bit and question, why is that person’s opinion of me so important? And when you do that without leaning on a drink, you’re teaching your brain a new association. You’re learning, oh, it’s possible to feel free and relaxed as myself and not only when I’m drinking.

Okay, here’s swap number three. You only live once, so let’s treat this moment as a dare to be loud, unfiltered, and unapologetic tonight without needing I was drunk as cover for my behavior. This one is my favorite because it really flips the script on what it really means to be brave. It’s one thing to say something bold, to be extra loud, to dance on the table when you know you have the built-in excuse of, well, I was drunk last night. That’s why I did it. It’s another thing entirely to just do it on your own, to say, yeah, that was me, sober me, unfiltered, and I stand by it.

That is a very different kind of you only live once energy. So you can treat any situation like a dare. Can I let myself be more expressive without first trying to get rid of my anxiety? Can I say the honest thing and then stay with any awkwardness that follows? Can I allow myself to be seen fully without needing a drink as my shield?

When you approach it this way, alcohol stops being the gateway to your fun self and starts to look more like a disguise. And if you truly only live once, do you want to keep hiding behind that disguise or do you want to get to know the version of you who is loud and unfiltered and unapologetic on purpose?

Now, these are just three swaps for you to start playing with. You only live once, so let’s see how wild you’ll let yourself be all on your own. You only live once, so it’s time to practice letting loose without caring what people think. And you only live once, so let’s treat this moment as a dare to be loud, unfiltered and unapologetic tonight without needing I was drunk as cover for my behavior.

Again, the goal here isn’t to shut down the YOLO energy. The goal is to stop automatically equating that energy with drinking. And sure, you can say, “Yeah, but it’s just easier to have the drink.” I said that to myself for the longest time, but when I was really being honest with myself, the disconnect that I felt between the version of myself in real life and who I was when I was drinking, it felt awful. It felt like I had a split personality and I didn’t like that feeling. I wanted to be more of who I craved, which was an unfiltered version of myself who really didn’t care what other people thought.

If you want to understand more about how the Upgrade and the Release archetypes work and how it leans on stories like you only live once or go big or go home, take the quiz at FindYourDrinkType.com. And if you want to dive deeper into all eight drink archetypes and learn how to work with each of them, check out The Ultimate Guide to Drinking Less. It’s my 200 page guide that breaks everything down so you can create a healthier relationship with alcohol on your own terms. You can learn more at RachelHart.com.

Hey guys, you already know that drinking less has plenty of health benefits. But did you know that the work you do to change your relationship with alcohol will help you become more of the person you want to be in every part of your life?

Learning how to manage your brain and your cravings is an investment in your physical, emotional and personal wellbeing. And that’s exactly what’s waiting for you when you join my membership Take a Break.

Whether you want to drink less, drink rarely, or not at all, we’ll help you figure out a relationship with alcohol that works for you. We’ll show you why rules, drink plans, and Dry January so often fail, and give you the tools you need to feel in control and trust yourself.

So, head on over to RachelHart.com and sign up today, because changing the habit is so much easier when you stop trying to go it alone.